Last week was Obama’s 20th wedding anniversary, and this week is my 3rd. Mr. HalfFull and I celebrated last night with dinner at the restaurant where we celebrated our engagement in 2008.
Ms. HalfEmpty and Mr. HalfFull at the Cherry Blossom Festival on the evening of their engagement. Does Mr. HalfFull look nervous? He’s about to propose!
Our actual engagement occurred the night before while watching the fireworks at the Cherry Blossom Festival in DC. Mr. HalfFull told me that he didn’t want to make a dinner reservation because he was sure that would be dead giveaway. Instead, he opted for a brunch reservation the next morning.
I was led to believe that this brunch would be just for the two of us to revel in our engaged bliss. So I suggested that we stop at my parents’ house on the way to show them my ring. Mr. HalfFull, who usually loves to visit my parents, kept throwing out reasons why the timing wouldn’t work. It seemed strange, but I went with it.
When we arrived at the restaurant, I saw a car that looked just like my dad’s parked out front. Mr. HalfFull assured me that lots of people had Lincoln Town Cars, but I was pretty sure it was my father’s license plate.
Once we entered the restaurant, I saw a big round table with my parents, brothers, Mr. HalfFull’s sister from Pennsylvania, and her son. Everyone was in on the plan, except me!
Surprise brunch with our families the morning after our engagement
But I was right about one thing: it was my dad’s Lincoln Town Car! I guess Mr. HalfFull didn’t specify that they should park around the corner, or at least not in the most prominent spot. Way to be secretive, Dad!
Isn’t it interesting how proposals are all about half-truths, lies, and secrets? That’s how a brilliant, surprising proposal is crafted. But those behaviors spell disaster for a marriage!
Fortunately, we got some better marriage advice over the summer when we visited my aunt and uncle in North Carolina on our drive home from the beach. We were lucky enough to join them for dinner along with another couple; the dinner conversation was delightful.
My aunt and uncle spontaneously started dancing during dinner on my wedding day. Must be love!
During dinner, each couple explained how they met and started dating. My aunt didn’t seem to be very interested in my uncle when they first met, but he made sure to tell us about her “cute butt.” He reiterated that comment several times to our amusement and embarrassment.
The other couple met in high school where they both played violin in the orchestra. He was a 17-year-old 1st chair violinist, while she was only 14. When she accidentally knocked over the bridge on her violin, the teacher instructed him to help her fix it. She was so enamored with him after the first fix, that she decided to purposefully knock over her bridge so he would have to come back again.
Both couples have been married for over 40 years, and still seem quite in love. Interestingly, they both gave the same marriage advice: rely on each other. They stressed the importance of resolving problems together, rather than outside the marriage.
I think Mr. HalfFull and I have relied on each other for years, and hopefully will for years to come.
- How do you feel about the secrets that led to your proposal? Does the end justify the means?
- Do you enjoy hearing how couples met?
- Do you look to older couples for advice?
- What marriage advice has resonated with you?
#1 by Sarah P. on October 8, 2012 - 9:30 PM
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Oh yes, I love hearing how couples first met. My parents met on the subway in Boston, on their way to a class they were both taking, which I’ve always thought was funny.
I think I pretty much knew that Charlie was going to propose during his visit with me in Italy. I just didn’t know *when*… and it turned out that he didn’t know, either! He’d asked around for advice about especially romantic locations where he could propose, but hadn’t settled on anywhere in particular. And I mean, come on, it’s ITALY. Everywhere is romantic. But we spontaneously took a trip up to Cinque Terre, and the rest is history…
Yes, we definitely look to older couples for advice. Some of the best advice we heard was to receive apologies with seriousness, and to never just brush them off with an “oh, it’s fine, it’s okay…” Instead, accept the apology and actually forgive the other person. By saying “it’s okay,” it’s almost like saying, “you don’t have the power to hurt me.” Not sure if I’m writing this in a way that makes sense. Other good advice we received was to never demand a response right away, if you confront your spouse about something or criticize them in some way. Let them think about it and process it before responding to you… otherwise their response will just be defensive.
#2 by Ms. HalfEmpty on October 9, 2012 - 8:40 AM
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How odd that your parents met in the big outside world when they were in a class together!
Was Charlie carrying the ring around everywhere he went in Italy? I had no idea Matt was going to propose at the Cherry Blossom Festival in April. I thought he would propose over the summer. He had me fooled!
The advice totally makes sense. I’m really bad at waiting for responses, but Mr. HalfFull is great at waiting to deliver his. Ha!
#3 by Mr. HalfFull on October 9, 2012 - 8:50 AM
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Not sure if I told you how my parents met…back in 2000 I coaxed the story out of my Mom over a bottle of wine at a lovely restaurant in Raleigh, where we had just seen the Auguste Rodin exhibit at the North Carolina Museum of Art. Mom was living with her parents on Long Island after graduating with an art degree from Hunter College in Manhattan. That winter she took a train into the city to hang out with her best friend, and met this incredibly inebriated bear of a man who seemed nice enough. During the course of the evening Mom learned that this now drunken man-bear had in fact driven himself into the city, so she made the executive decision to drive him and his car back to her parents’ house for his safety, where she left him sleeping in their driveway. The next morning Mom woke up and went downstairs to find Dad lying on the living room floor sandwiched between my two uncles, watching Saturday morning television…this meant that my Grandma apparently approved of him (and probably saved him from hypothermia) and she suspected right then and there that he was the one!
#4 by Ms. HalfEmpty on October 9, 2012 - 8:56 AM
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It seems like your dad did not make the best first impression, but somehow she still took him home that first night. Win for the inebriated man-bear!